Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sunday

Henry remembered
On the way in to church this morning, a woman coming out stopped to see how big Kathleen was getting. "And I'm sure big brother Henry is watching over her," she said.

Welling up
For a long time, I couldn't go to church without crying. For almost a year, I cried every time I went to mass—and on the rare occasion I didn't, Brian did. Sometimes it was a song, or the sight of the baptismal font, or seeing another baby, or the flash of memory of his tiny coffin in the center aisle. . .

Since Kathleen's arrival, I have not cried as often in church. She is a distraction, from the mass itself and from the things that make me cry. But today, I sobbed. I have no idea why. I was holding Kathleen, her heavy body, sticky and sweaty. She slumped against me in a nap. And I started crying.

Most days, I do okay. Most times I can identify the trigger the sets me off, but sometimes the sorrow, the tears just well up from so deep within and erupt out of no where.

A Prayer
I offer up this girl,
with her s
miles
her strength
her health.

I offer her up
in awe and wonder,
praise and gratitude.
I offer her up

with this plea:
Please, let her stay here with me.

Let her stay healthy.
Let her stay happy.
Let her stay.
Please.

6 comments:

  1. She's an absolute delight, Sara. God I hope she stays, too.
    xo

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  2. I hope your prayer works. I hope she stays too.

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  3. I still can't go to synagogue without crying, and I never can quite tell if its just the time inside my own head, the contrast of the joyful melodies, or what. Kathleen is beautiful.

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  4. Sara, prayer comes hard to me these days, but I'm praying this prayer with you.

    I haven't been to church for a while, either, but I remember it as a place where I'd open myself up - to God, to the music and language of the service. Maybe opening yourself up to that makes you more open to other things as well.

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  5. "Let her stay." Heart wrenching. Powerful and praying it with you.

    I'm having trouble with the google and so sorry if this is a double comment post. I stopped by to tell you that I awarded you the honest scrap award and that if you go to my blog you'll see what it's all about. I was awarded by another blogger and I'm passing it on.

    Peace.

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  6. I don't usually cry in church, but I know I did a lot on Mother's Day. Especially because the priest has all the mothers, grandmothers, step-mothers etc stand up. I don't stand up and it just makes me cry that I can't.

    That's a beautiful prayer, I also love the picture. What a happy face!

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