Sunday, August 23, 2009


Henry remembered
On the way in to church this morning, a woman coming out stopped to see how big Kathleen was getting. "And I'm sure big brother Henry is watching over her," she said.

Welling up
For a long time, I couldn't go to church without crying. For almost a year, I cried every time I went to mass—and on the rare occasion I didn't, Brian did. Sometimes it was a song, or the sight of the baptismal font, or seeing another baby, or the flash of memory of his tiny coffin in the center aisle. . .

Since Kathleen's arrival, I have not cried as often in church. She is a distraction, from the mass itself and from the things that make me cry. But today, I sobbed. I have no idea why. I was holding Kathleen, her heavy body, sticky and sweaty. She slumped against me in a nap. And I started crying.

Most days, I do okay. Most times I can identify the trigger the sets me off, but sometimes the sorrow, the tears just well up from so deep within and erupt out of no where.

A Prayer
I offer up this girl,
with her s
her strength
her health.

I offer her up
in awe and wonder,
praise and gratitude.
I offer her up

with this plea:
Please, let her stay here with me.

Let her stay healthy.
Let her stay happy.
Let her stay.


  1. She's an absolute delight, Sara. God I hope she stays, too.

  2. I hope your prayer works. I hope she stays too.

  3. I still can't go to synagogue without crying, and I never can quite tell if its just the time inside my own head, the contrast of the joyful melodies, or what. Kathleen is beautiful.

  4. Sara, prayer comes hard to me these days, but I'm praying this prayer with you.

    I haven't been to church for a while, either, but I remember it as a place where I'd open myself up - to God, to the music and language of the service. Maybe opening yourself up to that makes you more open to other things as well.

  5. "Let her stay." Heart wrenching. Powerful and praying it with you.

    I'm having trouble with the google and so sorry if this is a double comment post. I stopped by to tell you that I awarded you the honest scrap award and that if you go to my blog you'll see what it's all about. I was awarded by another blogger and I'm passing it on.


  6. I don't usually cry in church, but I know I did a lot on Mother's Day. Especially because the priest has all the mothers, grandmothers, step-mothers etc stand up. I don't stand up and it just makes me cry that I can't.

    That's a beautiful prayer, I also love the picture. What a happy face!