Thursday, October 15, 2009

Henry's mom

I took Kathleen to the parent center today. I was chatting with a mom I don't know. She started to say something about when they start to crawl, then paused and asked if Kathleen was my first. Oh, the dreaded question.

What she wanted to know was: Have you done this before? So I explained that Kathleen was my second child, but that my first died at 6 months, so this was my first time dealing with crawling. She expressed sympathy and then a baby, which, I don't know, distracted us, and we came back to her comment on crawling.

It's not getting easier to say my baby died, but I think I'm getting better at it.

Shortly after that exchange, another mom, one who looked familiar though I couldn't place her, said to me, "Are you Henry's mom?" I told her I was and she said she knew me from the baby group at the hospital. She had a brand-new baby in arms and her 2+ year old, the one I had known only as a tiny baby.

When I go out in places where children are plentiful, I can't help but look for familiar faces chasing the 2-year-olds, but until today, I hadn't seen any. I thought it would be harder (as I am wont to do). Instead, I found it nice to be known, to be recognized, by somebody as Henry's mom.


  1. That made me smile, Sara. You'll always be Henry's mom. I'm glad some still see you that way.

  2. I just read your last several posts, trying to catch up a little. Your account of your four years of marriage is so touching -- marking time by the stages of your grief and life. I can see how being known as "Henry's mom" would be a healing validation of your experience, and a much easier question to respond to than "is she your first?"

  3. So glad that Henry is remembered, that you're remembered as his mom.

  4. You will always be Henry's mom to me.

  5. I have never commented before but just had to at this post. My son Gage died 14 weeks ago when he was 8 months old from a rare disease. He was in the hospital for several months and during that time, I said "I'm Gage's mom" countless times. Whether it was to get into the suppression unit, calling about insurance, or waiting to hear back from a surgeon, I got to say I was his mom probably more than most mothers do. I cannot express how much I miss saying it now. But the rare chances I get, I truly appreciate. You will always be Henry's mom and I will always be Gage's. Best wishes, Mary