Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Tell me about him

I had coffee today with two preschool mom friends.

A. gave me a big hug upon arrival and then twice while we were there. I'll take them. I'll always take a heartfelt hug.

Then B. said "I wish I could do something, but . . ." and she paused knowing there was nothing really to do. "Can you tell me about him?" And I almost cried and half smiled and I told her about Henry's smile, how the picture I posted on FB shows just a hint of it, how we captured it only once in all it's bright openness on the day of his surgery, how when Brian, narrating for the camera said that we'd soon get rid of the oxygen, Henry's whole face lit up and burst into that brilliant smile that carried me so many days, the one that still makes me smile.

"Can you tell me about him?" Nobody asks that. People ask what happened or say that must have been hard, which launches me into what happened and how hard it all was. He was only 6 1/2 months old. He was sedated during an awful lot of that time, so sometimes I'm not sure I have much to tell about him, and I still, five years later, find myself sifting through the rubble to find the pieces of him I lost as our world kept shifting and falling. But today, I collected just a bit and shared it with a friend who never got to meet him but wished she did.


  1. This is really beautiful--the sentiment and friendship and your expression of it. It reminds me that sometimes someone says something that we didn't even know we needed to hear, until it is spoken. Much love to you. xo

  2. How wonderful to be able to talk about Henry and not all of the other stuff. I don't think anyone has ever asked me about Gage. Like you said, they ask about what happened, how was he diagnosed, etc. But never just about him. That was a very sweet friend to ask you that and I am so glad you got to talk about your beautiful boy!

  3. Dear Henry. I hope it doesn't sound too strange but I smiled so much when I saw his lovely photograph pop up on facebook. Such a dear boy. Such a beautiful little hint of a smile.

    I'm glad that you and Brian saw the brilliance of the his full smile. What lovely friends you have.

  4. Oh what a beautiful question to be asked. I love how you talk about Henry's smile... he comes alive in my mind with your words.

  5. I wish someone would ask me about Camille. Even the fabrications of who she might have been would be nice to talk about. I'm so glad someone asked. That you got the opportunity to speak of him and not just his death. Lovely.