Maybe it's because of the full moon last week
or Elizabeth's week of 4:30 A.M., up for the day, wake ups
or too much sugar and caffeine
Maybe it's the approach of May
or the growing pile of things that I'll never use for another baby
or the birthday parties
or a new season, another season without him.
Maybe it's just time for the wall to crack a little again
to let go a little more
to let the tears to flow again.
This past week, sadness has descended like the darkness, settling slowly over me as evening falls. It comes untriggered. It comes for no reason.
The sadness just comes and sits with me. It doesn't bring pictures or say remember when. It just sits with me and pokes a bit at some anxiety. It won't let me sleep, not right away anyway.
I haven't fallen into despair or been bowled over by grief. I've had some lovely, sweet, sunlight and laughter days. But at night, at night sadness come to keep me company.