Thursday, April 21, 2011

Maybe the moon

Maybe it's because of the full moon last week
or Elizabeth's week of 4:30 A.M., up for the day, wake ups
or too much sugar and caffeine
or hormones.

Maybe it's the approach of May
or the growing pile of things that I'll never use for another baby
or the birthday parties
or a new season, another season without him.

Maybe it's just time for the wall to crack a little again
to breakdown
to let go a little more
to let the tears to flow again.

This past week, sadness has descended like the darkness, settling slowly over me as evening falls. It comes untriggered. It comes for no reason.

The sadness just comes and sits with me. It doesn't bring pictures or say remember when. It just sits with me and pokes a bit at some anxiety. It won't let me sleep, not right away anyway.

I haven't fallen into despair or been bowled over by grief. I've had some lovely, sweet, sunlight and laughter days. But at night, at night sadness come to keep me company. 


  1. Oh, Sara. I'm still surprised when a wave of grief hits me, even though I guess I shouldn't be by now. Sitting here with you and hoping the sadness eases.

    Also hoping Elizabeth decides to sleep in a little bit more soon.

  2. those untriggered, out of nowhere waves can be so hard. thinking of you and hoping for more peaceful sleep for your household. xo

  3. Sorry I was away and missed this post. Sending you much love.